10 common nice guy mistakes
Is that old saying true?
“nice guys finish last”
Well, the truth is…they kind of do finish last.
But do not get confused with being a “nice guy” versus being a “good guy”
They are totally different.
A good guy is respectful, positive, and cares about people AND he cares about himself.
Now lets look at a “nice guy.”
A nice guy has no boundaries. He puts EVERYONE elses needs ahead of his own.
He is afraid to stand up for himself and he is afraid to be rejected. He is afraid of the idea that someone might now like him.
So the nice guy tries to please everyone. And every time the nice guy goes against his inner boundaries – he builds resentment. Until eventually he snaps.
There is nothing more damaging to ones confidence and self-esteem than acting like a nice guy.
I was one of these nice guys for a long time (and i’m still working on it). I used to be afraid to voice my opinion. I was afraid that someone wouldn’t like me.
I was afraid that I would interfere with someones space. I wanted to please everyone.
In business; customers would always ask for a discount or they would say things like, “that’s too expensive.” The inner nice guy in me would try to make them happy by offering a discount or apologizing for what my prices were.
But I knew what the market cost of the services were that I provided – my prices were always reasonable. But its situations like these where the dreaded nice guy habits come out.
And people can see right through it. They know when they can take advantage of you.
But you need to have boundaries and put your needs equal or above other peoples.
I knew what I needed to charge in order to be a successful business. So every time that I offered a discount or gave into people that had no idea about running my business – a little bit of my self-esteem would crumble.
I hated this feeling. I hated being a nice guy.
I wanted to be confident in what I said and stand up for my boundaries. I didn’t want to be scared about someone not liking me.
Being a nice guy is also a huge problem when it comes to dating. Women traditionally like the man to take the lead. But you cant do this if you’re always trying to please everyone.
As a man you should lead and have a plan of what you would like to do. But a nice guy will always ask the girl, “what do you want to do?” He is afraid to make the wrong decision and loose a potential date.
The “good guy” is aware of the other person and has empathy but he is not afraid to make a decision.
A nice guy never makes a move on a date or even with approaching a girl that he likes.
He is afraid saying things in his mind like, “what if she doesn’t want me to talk to her?” “What if I bother her?” “What if she doesn’t want me to kiss her?” etc.
The nice guy always airs on the side of caution. And this goes against all behaviors that are regarded as masculine.
I discovered really quickly that being a “nice guy” was not gong to get me very far.
People don’t need you to be extra nice. They don’t respect that type of behavior.
People respect someone that is sure of himself and sure of his actions. And if they don’t like something then they will tell you.
You can’t be afraid to loose.
Once you truly respect yourself – you won’t want to finish last.
But how do we overcome this nice guy syndrome?
It really all starts with self-love. Self respect.
You must truly believe that you have value and that you are worthy of other peoples time.
You also must have a mindset of abundance. If one girl doesnt like you – there are others that will. If one customer does not like your price – others will think that its fair.
The fastest way that I’ve found to overcome this nice guy syndrome is to start having a lot of experiences. And to challenge yourself.
I was in Arizona a few months ago. There was this giant cliff jump that I was terrified to jump off. I climbed half way up and just sat there for what felt like an hour.
I had watched my friend jump off so I knew that it was possible.
I finally worked up the courage to jump off the cliff into the water. And after I did it was amazing. I was so happy that I concoured my fear. That was a moment that no one could ever take away. I did it. And because of that I felt a closeness to myself. I was proud of myself.
After that I also went on to concour other fears. I performed on a salsa dance team. I traveled to other countries by myself. I challenged myself in any way possible. I started going for it.
If I saw someone that I wanted to talk to – I would walk up and talk to them. I was challenging my fears.
With all of these experiences – how could ones confidence NOT go up. Of course it does! With more accomplishments and more moments of overcoming fear – the better I felt about myself. I realized that I had value. That I was just as good as anyone else. I was able to get through tough situations.
You have to believe in yourself. And you have to challenge yourself. Once you start doing this you will build a feeling of being worthy instead of feeling like you have nothing to offer anyone.
You will also create a feeling of self-love where you know what you deserve and you won’t tolerate people treating you badly. You’re not scared to talk to people so you can make new friends or find new dates no problem.
You must always be challenging yourself and accomplishing goals. Every time that you achieve something new – your confidence will go up.
And once you have more confidence – you will no longer be behaving like a “nice guy?”
You will put your needs as equal to everyone elses. You won’t be a people pleaser anymore.
Ask yourself if you are committing any of these “nice guy” habits?
Always trying to please everyone even if its something that you don’t want to do
Always asking a date “where do you want to go?”
Afraid to make a move on a date
Afraid to ask someone out on a date
Afraid to approach someone that you’d like to talk to
Afraid to charge what you deserve for your services or afraid to ask for a raise
Not having boundaries and letting people treat you badly
Being afraid to voice your opinion for fear of someone not liking you
Being afraid to change your style/appearance or to stand out
Waiting for things to come to you instead of taking action and going after what you want
If you relate to any of these nice guy habits – don’t worry. We are going to work together to crush all of these habits and turn you into a confident/high-value guy.
Download the free report and we will talk soon,