One of the biggest problems that I used to have with women was that I was to “nice” and to polite. I would always wait until I knew that she really wanted me to kiss her, or that she really wanted me to touch her. I would also make sure to get her opinion about everything. I’d ask her questions like “Do you want to go to the movies?” “What time do you want to go?” “Do you want me to pick you up or meet me there?”
I finally realized how much of a turn off my nice guy behavior was and I finally realized how much women HATE it. Yes, they hate nice guys! They want a man that takes charge and plans the date. They want a man that is going to take their hand and say “follow me.”
Disclaimer: you should always act like a gentlemen. Being a gentlemen and being a “nice” guy are completely different. Be a gentlemen by treating her with respect, but also have a backbone, don’t just be a wet noodle.
Now when I set up a date I wont even tell her where we are going. I will just say “It’s a surprise – just wear something comfortable.” Or I will say “Don’t worry about the details – I’ll pick you up at 9:15 sharp.” This is a lot more attractive. She knows that I have everything planned and that she doesn’t have to worry. It portrays confidence and leadership; which is the male equivalent of wearing a mini skirt and a push up bra.
Most of the problems that men are having with women, have nothing to do with “openers” or ways to be a better flirt, or fashion advice. The problems come from men not portraying masculine traits. Men don’t have a solid grasp of what really attracts women. Here are three masculine traits that you can adopt right now.
A man with leadership qualities is very attractive to women. They want to see that a man can take charge and command respect from his peers. With women it means that it is your job to lead the interaction.
If you are out on a date somewhere and you get bored; don’t be afraid to say “let’s get out of here.” Or “No, I don’t feel like going to see Les Miserable.” Leaders do what they want; and other people follow. Leaders don’t bend over backwards to accommodate other people – they will take input but then ultimately do what they think is best. Leaders use the word “No” and aren’t afraid that she might not want to hear that. Of course if you feel like there is room for compromise then compromise – just don’t do it all this time.
Start making decisions for yourself instead of trying to make decisions that you think will get her to like you. If you make decisions for yourself, she is going to like you and also appreciate you much more.
Always make sure that you have a plan. Because women will always ask “So what’s the plan?” The worst thing that you can do is say “I don’t know – what do you want to do?” You just killed all the attraction right there. When a women asks “whats the plan?” I will always say “You’re just wondering what you should wear right? Just wear something comfortable. I’ll handle the rest.”
This can be difficult at first because you’ll feel like you want to ask her what she wants to do and you might even feel insecure about your plan – don’t. You don’t need to plan anything overly elaborate – just have a plan.
Usually I will ask her “what do you like better; bowling, sushi, or salsa dancing?” Just to get an idea of what she likes to do.
When you’re out at a bar or a club you will see this all the time: guys hovering around girls on the dance floor as if they are waiting for an invitation to go talk to her. Women notice the guys that do this and it is definitely a turn off. If you see a girl that you want to talk to; don’t hesitate. Go do it.
Also don’t hesitate when it comes to making a move. I struggled with this for a long time. Even when it came to putting my arm around her I would think “Does she want me to touch her?” “What if she doesn’t want my arm around her?” If she doesn’t want your arm around her; she will let you know. But if she DOES want you to make a move and you never do – she will see you as an insecure man and lose attraction.
There will never be a perfect time to approach her, kiss her, or ask her out on a date. If you are thinking it and you want to do it – make it happen.
photo credit: bodybuilder by Christian Montone
photo credit: man leading women by Eric Spiegel