Why She Did Not Text You Back

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It can be really frustrating when you spend all night at a bar waiting for something to happen .  You finally work up the courage to talk to a girl –  It goes fairly well and she gives you her number.


But then you txt her or call her and – nothing.  No response.  Or you might send a couple txt messages back and forth and then never hear from her again.  This used to happen to me a lot so I know how it can play with your mind.  It can be very discouraging, BUT there is good news…

Girls don’t give out their number UNLESS they are attracted.  So, what does this mean?   At some point during the interaction she was attracted to you.  The problem is that you didn’t build enough of a connection.  In her mind she didn’t have a reason to see you again.  This is a difference between men and woman.  You want to see her again because she is hot – but she needs to feel a connection.

Here are 4 tips that you can use to build a connection and make her want to see you again:

√  Talk More – talk about different subjects e.g. travel, music, pop culture.  The more that you find out about her,  the easier it will be to txt her.  For example: If you learn that she likes watching the TV show the bachelor – you can watch the show and txt her and say “you know what? You kind of remind me of Jessica.”  The secret is – It doesn’t have to be real.  Flirting is playful – no one is going to check the facts and see if she really does remind you of “Jessica.”  You’re simply creating an emotional response.  And when you’re talking emotion – that’s when you’ll both be having fun.


√ Hypothetical Situations – talk about what it would be like hanging out with you outside of the bar.  This helps to let her see you as a real person.  For example: (continuing with the bachelor TV show theme) you could say “I could totally see us cuddled up watching the bachelor and you hiding the remote so I can’t change the channel.”  Or you could say – “I can’t wait until it gets warmer out – I can picture us at the beach building sandcastles like we’re in a Corona commercial.”  At first it may seem foreign to talk like this but this is how you build an emotional connection and stand out from other dudes.


√ Give Her a Nickname – by giving her a nickname you create a secret/special connection that no one else has.  When you first txt her back you use her “special” nickname.  One of the secrets to intimate relationships is when people have inside jokes between them that no one else knows.  For Example:  You can say “I’m going to call you ‘fluffy boots.”  Or – “your new nick name is ‘salsa Jenn.”  It doesnt have to be complicated – noticing something about her, what she is wearing, or what she is doing and give her a nick name.  Is she wearing unique looking shoes?  Is she wearing a sparkly dress?  You can say – “I’m going to call you sparkles.”  Now when you txt her back you can say “what’s up sparkles.”  This is a lot more playful and flirty than just saying her name.  Try it out.


√ Plan the Date – There should be a reason to get her phone number – are you going bowling next Tuesday?  Going out to get sushi on Thursday?  Going to a salsa dance?   You want to say something like – “Do you like sushi?  I have some free time next Thursday – let’s get together.  What’s your number?”  Having a plan is much better than just getting her number and then trying to txt her later to set up a date.  Already have the date planned and just go for it.


The phone number should not be the end goal.  The goal is to get her out on a date.  If you just get her number and txt her back saying “what’s up?”  There is little chance that it will go anywhere.  And then you’ll be thinking wtf, why do girls give me their number but then never txt me back?”

Work on using the four tips and creating a real connection and your success rate will go up. At least you’ll know what you did wrong and how to correct it for next time.




photo: “texting” by: Wade Morgan

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