Dealing With Approach Anxiety | Featuring Andrew Hales Of LAHWF

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  Andrew Hales is one of my favorite youtube “pranksters.” He is known for approach anxiety artofalpha.comhis awkward exchanges with everyday people that he meets either in the streets or on college campuses.

 

  What I like most about Andrew is that he is very entertaining in a non-traditional way. If you look at other youtube personalities – they are usually high energy and appear to be very confident and social people. But Andrew is just as entertaining even though he has a mellow personality compared with other pranksters.

 

  He proves that many personality types can be successful. You don’t have to fit a certain stereotype.

 

  This is important for guys to realize when it comes to getting dates too. Often times I will see guys comparing themselves to other people. They will use a lot of negative self-talk. I will hear guys say that they are not good looking enough, not tall enough, not witty enough, and so on.

 

  But the truth is that right now there is a successful guy dating the women that he wants, and living the life that he wants with the exact same problem that YOU have. He might be considered too short, or too shy, or not funny, etc. Yet he is living the life that he chose for himself.

 

 

  How is he able to do this? One of the big reasons that someone is able to improve their lives is because they are willing to face their fears. It may not always be easy and it may take some effort but it is doable. There is no reason that you can’t achieve the things in life that you want.

 

  For me personally – the fear of cold approaching an attractive women has always been a bit of an issue. As you will see in the video coming up – it doesn’t matter what the social setting is. You could be making youtube video’s (as in Andrews’ case), you might be starting a conversation with a women that you like, or you might be doing sales. Whatever the case is – approach anxiety is a real fear and can hold you back from doing the things that you want in life.

 

  I am going to give you a few tips on overcoming approach anxiety before I get to the video below.

 

 

1) The Longer You Wait To Approach – The Harder It Gets

  There have been times when I would go out and get “stuck in my head.” I would over think everything. If there was a cute girl that I wanted to talk to I might say to myself , “what if she has a boyfriend?” “What if she doesn’t like me?” “What if she isn’t really looking at me?”

 

  There are a million reason NOT to do something and if you wait long enough your brain will eventually think of almost all of them. This will paralyze you into NEVER taking action.

 

  What you MUST do is train yourself to take action right away. Do not allow yourself to over think the situation and let fear and anxiety build up. When you see a woman that you want to talk to, simply walk over and say, “hey” BEFORE you think of all the reasons why you shouldn’t. If you don’t talk to her, your life will stay exactly the same. But if you take a chance and you do talk to that girl across the room, who knows what could happen or how it could change your life for the better.

 

2) The First Social Interaction/Approach Is ALWAYS The Hardest

 

  A lot of people need to “warm-up” before getting into a social mood. Often times a guy will go out to a bar/club and stand by the edge of the dance floor, waiting to find a girl to talk to. But when he does finally see a girl that he’s interested in – he will get nervous and not talk to her.

 

  Why? It’s because he is not socially warmed-up. I have found that the longer the night goes without talking to any girls, the more difficult it becomes to eventually start a conversation with a girl that you like.

 

  If you are a guy that can relate to this then you MUST warm-up first. Do this by asking someone for directions or giving someone a high-five (you will see Andrew do this in the video). Once you get the initial interaction with someone out of the way, you will feel much better socially and end up having a WAY better night.

 

  A good warm up line to use is to simply say to girls, “I like your style.” It is very easy to do and will at least get the momentum going in your favor. Get the first interaction out of the way and I guarantee that you will have a much better night.

 

3) Don’t approach a girl for yourself – approach for a friend

 

  Approaching a girl is almost 100% about your mindset. Think of it like this: If I asked you to go up to ANY girl and ask for directions – I bet that you could do that fairly easily right?

 

  Why? It’s because in your mind you are not trying to get something i.e. you are not trying to get a date, or trying to make this girl like you. You are simply asking for directions. If I said to talk to the same girl and ask for her phone number then you would probably get nervous.

 

  The reason that you get nervous is because you feel like it is YOU that could get rejected now.

  When asking for directions your ego doesn’t feel like it is being judged. But in the same situation if you ask for a girls phone number and she says that she is not interested – now you feel like you have been rejected and you will go right back to the negative self-talk. Most of the time guys feel like it is simply easier to not approach a girl than to take a chance and possibly feel rejected, only to end up back in negative self-talk mode. I suggest reading about the “confidence box” to help out with these feelings.

 

  One way that you can “trick” your brain and make the approach easier is to go into the approach with the mind-set that you are doing it for a friend. For example when you do this your opener might sound like, “Hi what’s your name? I have a friend that I think would really like you.”

 

  This is the “frame” that you’re going into the approach with. Now from here you would STOP after you say, “hi what’s your name?” And keep talking to her normally. But in your mind you weren’t approaching for yourself which will help with anxiety. If you do get nervous or if she say that she has a boyfriend you can just say, “Oh I have a friend that I thought you might like.” Again this protects the ego and makes it seem like there is no rejection. Try it out.

 

If that doesn’t work then try this…

 

4) The Five Dollar Bill Game

 

  If you are still having trouble approaching women then you can also try the dollar bill game.

  It works like this…

 

  Before you go out for the night – give your friend $10 (two fives). Now it is your friends job to tell you to approach any girl that he wants. He will simply say, “Her over there in the red dress, go talk to her.” Now if you do talk to her then you get $5 bucks back. But if you don’t talk to her then your friend keeps your $5 bucks. Do this a couple times to get warmed up and then you’ll be feeling pretty good.

 

  Okay and as promised here is the LAHWF youtube video with Andrew Hale. In this video Andrew is having a bit of approach anxiety and is trying to get himself warmed-up for filming.

 

Leave questions and comments below.

 

 

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