I’m also sure that you’ve been given this advice more than 7,000 times – “just be confident.”
Whenever someone said those words to me I thought “great, wtf does that mean?” I didn’t have confidence – how was I going to get it?
Lack of confidence was always a huge issue for me. It meant that I was always dating women that made me feel like I was “settling.” I felt like I could date hotter, more attractive, interesting women if only I had more confidence.
Instead I was dating women that I wasn’t really attracted to – it was just better then being alone.
Maybe you can relate?
So how do you get more confidence with women?
First, what you have to do literally break down what confidence is and what it means. This is something that I learned from my experiential psychology professor at university. We couldn’t just do an experiment on “confidence” because the word alone is abstract – it cannot be measured. Similarly, we cannot measure how “hot” or attractive a girl is without breaking down what “hot” actually means.
My professor said that we would need to come up with an “operational definition.” Which will help us to understand an abstract term that we are trying to understand.
So let’s take the example of a girl being “hot.” Being “hot” doesn’t really mean anything unless we add characteristics to the word. So we could say that “hot” means…
Now we are beginning to understand what the term hot means. Once we understand something than we can measure it and see if we fit. If we don’t fit the term, at least we will know what to work on in order to “fit.”
This is crucial when trying to understand confidence.
If you break down what confidence means to a girl when she is talking about a guy, it would look like this:
experienced with women
comfortable with himself
has other options
Now that we have an “operational definition” of what confidence means, we can easily show confident behavior.
Experience with women will come in time. And you should already have an interesting lifestyle and/or certain life goals that you want to achieve.
So the two main things to focus on are being a leader and acting like you have other options.
Think of a caveman. Can’t you picture him walking up to a woman with a club swung over his shoulder saying “Hi, come with me.” Then holding out his hand so that she can grab it?
Never once hesitating. Never second guessing himself. Because he knows that if he hesitates, some other caveman dude will come talk to her first.
The caveman also doesn’t act desperate as if she is the only women in the world. He knows that if she doesn’t like him, then he will just go talk to another girl. There are plenty of other women to talk to that will like him. That was true in cavemen days and it is true now.
You want to have a mindset that there are plenty of women to talk to. Realistically, you could talk to every girl that you see. So don’t become desperate and think that you will never meet another woman again. If you have an abundance mindset – you will find that you’ll actually meet more women.
Also, like in caveman days…
Nothing turns a woman on more than a man that takes control. A man that goes after what he wants.
This means that you want to approach her, ask for her number, and plan the date.
It may sound like a lot of work but it’s really not. “cold approach” can be difficult and seem unnatural but if you’re approaching a girl in a “warm” environment such as a singles event, a meetup event, or a social gathering, then approaching her will be completely normal for the situation.
Once you start the conversation and it’s going well, all you have to do is say “I like talking to you, I want to talk to you again, what’s your number?”
Once you have her number, then you’ll want to plan the date. Do not ask her “so, what do you want to do?” You should do the planning. Plan to go bowling, get sushi, go dancing etc. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as you are making an effort to plan. If she hates the ideas, then she will say so. But you will score points with her for being the planner and leader.
Have it in your mindset that you are going to take charge, you are going to plan the date and be the leader. And you know that you have an opportunity to meet someone else if she doesn’t work out, so don’t sweat it.
Once you show confident behavior, you will start to feel more confident. When you feel more confident, you attract the higher quality women that you truly desire.
Has anyone ever said to you “just be confident?” Let me know in the comments section
And grab my Free 7 conversation starters that lead to dates eBook so that you will have a smooth approach without thinking about what to say