3 Ways I Failed At Being The Alpha Male…And 2 Ways I Fixed It

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A few years ago I met this girl named Lauren. She was a tall, sexy, brunette, that worked at the mall where I went shopping. I could tell that she was interested in me by the way that her conversation “lingered” as I was at the register. I was pretty much saying, “bye” but then she would ask me something else to keep the conversation going. I then thought to myself, “I better ask for this girls number or I’ll surly regret it.” So I asked her and she wrote her number down on a receipt and handed it to me.

It is going good so far. But don’t worry, I will screw it up badly, but so far so good.

For the next couple of days I sent her some flirty text messages. You know – messages like, “hey how are you?” and “how’s your day going?” I mean, really awesome messages that boost attraction and get her CRAVING to see me (joking). The messages were pretty weak but still, I managed to keep her attention long enough to get a date (I guess she was really into me).

From here is when it started to go downhill.

This is the first way that I failed at being the alpha male…

rather than being the leader and choosing where we were going to go, I asked her, “what do you want to do?” I was trying to be the “nice” guy. I wasn’t being the leader. Big mistake. I put all of the pressure on her to decide what we would be doing. It may seem like this would make sense, right? If I was just really, really nice to her and let her pick the perfect place where she wanted to go, then she would like me? Well as Bobby and Rob talk about in unlock her legs – sometimes in dating, things are counter-intuitive i.e. what should make sense, doesn’t.

Women don’t want to have to decide what to do. They want the man to take action and come up with the plan. Be the leader and have at least three date ideas ready at all times.

Second way that I failed at being the alpha make…

After letting her decide where we should go on a date, she picked this little coffee shop style restaurant (not very exciting) but of course I let her know what a great idea it was. We’re sitting across from each other and she’s talking about why she got into fashion (or something) and why she works at the mall. And I’m making sure to nod my head up and down, agree with everything that she says. But my big mistake comes when the date was over.

We walk out of the restaurant and then have to walk a little ways to get to her car. The whole time I am thinking, “should I put my arm around her? Should I hold her hand? But what if she doesn’t want me to?” The problem was that I was completely in my head and seeking permission. I thought that, if she wants me to touch her or put my arm around her, she will let me know or just do it to me first…Right? Wrong. Women are looking for you to make the first move. Do not seek permission. What I should have done was just put my arm around her without hesitation. I will tell you how I finally overcame my permission seeking behavior shortly, but first…


The third way that I destroyed attraction with this girl was…

I was WAY to available. After the date I texted her and wanted to know when we would be hanging out again. I didn’t text her about anything cool that was happening in my life or show her that I had an interesting lifestyle that she would want to be a part of. Instead I made it seem like she was the focal point of everything. The problem was that I had no other passions in my life that she would have to compete with. She didn’t have to “chase” me or impress me in anyway, therefore she lost interest quick. This was strike three. And I was out.

I thought about this girl and the date for awhile as well as some of the other bad dates that I had been on. I realized that my “nice” guy behavior just wasn’t working. I needed to take more chances and stop seeking permission. I couldn’t wait for a girl to say, “hi there, kiss me now.” It just wasn’t going to happen. I also needed to create a more attractive lifestyle that I could share with someone.

So here are 2 things that I did to change my behavior and become more of an alpha male


      1. The first thing that I did was discover a passion. At first I tried a lot of different things like rock climbing, salsa dancing, cross-fit, etc. By trying a lot of different activities and getting out of my comfort zone – I was able to discover a real passion for the martial art Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I started training almost every single day. And now when I met a girl I would often tell her, “I can’t tonight, I have to train for the tournament coming up.” This was something that was totally different for me. But the thing is, that it worked. The girls that I were talking to started to flake less, when I was less available. Girls now had to “fight” for my attention. And this is exactly what you want.

You want to create a lifestyle that is filled with passions and interests. This way you won’t seem so available and you won’t come off as needy. Plus it will provide you with awesome stories to tell on a date and other countless benefits like being part of a cool social circle.

Again, like they say in unlock her legs, dating is sometimes counter intuitive. You don’t have to just go out to a club to meet women, if you work on improving your lifestyle, more women will come naturally.

        1. The second thing that I did was, stop being permission seeking.

          I have ruined my chances with so MANY women by seeking permission. Whether it’s seeking permission to approach them, seeking permission to put my arm around them, or to kiss them. I was determined to stop doing it. The fact is that women are never going to make the first move (and trust me, the one’s that do, you’re not going to want to date anyway). So you have to escalate and cannot wait for her to make the first move.


What I started thinking in my head to help me get over my permission seeking behavior was to think, “If this girl is out on a date with me, she must be interested.” Or if she’s been talking to me at a club for awhile, she must be interested. I would always assume that she liked me and wanted me to escalate the interaction with her. By thinking this way and not questioning if she did really like me, I gave myself permission to make a move.

The next few dates that I went on I would ALWAYS put my arm around the girl that I was with. It doesn’t matter how uncomfortable I felt at first, I would just do it. I also started to practice kissing girls in mid-sentence. I would be standing there talking to a girl and then I would say, “wait, hold on” I then would lean in and kiss her (The very first time that I did this it got really awkward, but that’s alright, I’m still here to tell about it). I got so used to doing this that often times when I go on a date now I will just say. “Okay wait, before we go any further I have to know.” She will then reply, “know what?” “If you are a good kisser.” From here I will lean in to kiss her (Just a quick kiss, save the make-out session for later).

And It really is that simple (If you try this for the first time definitely let me know how it goes).

Create an interesting lifestyle that she would want to be a part of and if you want to put your arm around a girl or kiss her, then make it happen. Always be moving the interaction forward (unless of course she says no, then stop)

Follow these two tips and you’ll be a lot closer to becoming an attractive alpha male


2 Responses

  1. Kyle H.
    | Reply

    My experience is that it is true that women like to be told what to do sometimes. I actually always try to set up a date and decide where to go, as it gives a women too much to do, they want to relax and let the men do the work. That’s how I see it.

  2. JJ
    | Reply

    I think it’s true that we men needs to just go with the flow, see where things go. Decided on a place to go yourself, don’t look for ideas. Women just love to be amazed, and have no idea where the night will take them.

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